Your Unifier Allies

The world expected my father to be a bad seed. So he became one. He cheated on my mother, had a bad temper, and created chaos wherever he went. Like many of the men in our neighborhood, he was reckless, always pushing the limit, getting into trouble and attracting crisis after crisis. He didn’t mean to hurt us, which is probably why he hid so much from us, and why he begged for forgiveness when my mother and grandmother finally kicked him out.

My mother and grandmother were strong women who did their best to raise and protect me. Their task wasn’t easy, given our turbulent neighborhood, where the police frightened us as much as the gangs. I witnessed more tragedies than a young boy ever should. I also watched the news and saw how men like my father were perceived. I promised myself I’d never be like him or cause the pain he caused.

As a teen, if I felt anger or lust, I’d go with my grandmother to church and pray for my sins to be taken away. But over time, the stress got to me, and my nervousness gave me ticks. Though inside I was sensitive and caring, I avoided eye contact with people and appeared shifty. I was hard to reach and had few friends, although there was one girl in my church who I secretly fancied. Too shy to approach her, I followed her home one day, hid in the bushes and peeked in her window. She saw someone in the bushes and called the police.

Imagine the shame I felt when my poor mother and grandmother had to come to the jail and bail me out. The charges were dropped as soon as the girl discovered who it was. But I was still required to meet with a social worker. Something in his eyes reassured me he’d been there. He knew suffering deep in his bones. He didn’t just see the terror, shame or nervousness in me. He saw the good seed. It was a strange and amazing experience, to have a man encourage me to talk about my feelings. I knew instantly that I’d one day come to do exactly what he did. I’d see the good seed in everyone I met. I’d look straight into their eyes, and let them know with my whole heart, that they were okay, exactly how they were, no matter what they felt, what they looked like, or where they came from.