Transforming Self-Judgement

TRANSFORMING SHADOWS SERIES

In this contemplation, Richard dives deep into the theme of self-judgement from the unique view of our soul, which represents the process of eternal perfection. Weaving together these two themes of the self-judging human and the all-forgiving soul, Richard brings us into an integrated view that unites radical authenticity with deep self-compassion.

Transforming Self-Judgement into Forgiveness

Transforming Self-Judgement. Is there another form of judgement other than self-judgement? And when we judge, are we simply externalising something and judging ourselves when we judge others? These are good questions.

A question I want to pose right off the bat is, when we worry about what others think of us – it’s a very human trait – are we really worried about their judgement? Are we really worried what they’re going to say about us, or they’re going to think about us? I would question that. I would say, actually, what we’re really worried about, what we’re really afraid of, is our own self-judgement, because we are scared, but we don’t see that we’re going to judge ourselves. So they may say something negative about us, but actually, we’re going to agree with it. So that’s actually what we’re really afraid of.

At the highest potential at the other end, we have perfection.

And I think that’s a really important beginning insight. I invite you to really look at that in your life. Consider how many things are motivated by your wish to be seen in a good light by others, your wish to be liked, to please others. And those things are deep in us. And even if you’re a rebellious type who says, ‘Oh, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me,’ actually, you’re still in a reaction to that same fear. You’re just in a reaction to it, so you’re still caught in a dynamic by its loop a little bit. So these are great things, I think, to consider when you think about yourself, and you’re thinking about all the actions in your life that may be motivated by whether or not you’re going to judge yourself unfavourably according to what someone else thinks or says, or what you project that they might think or say. And that’s a big thing. Especially when it comes to thinking of our parents and our peers and all those around us who might be in judgement over us in some way, especially if we make a cock-up. So, something to think about.

But what I really wanted to do here today is discuss a little bit deeper than that. I want to follow this thread of self-judgement. And I want to follow it because these transformational dialogues are based on the Gene Keys. And at the lowest frequency inside us, we have this pattern of self-judgement, and then at the highest potential at the other end, we have perfection. So, we are perhaps measuring ourselves against a yardstick of perfection. And what is that? What is perfection? Many of us, we avoid it like the plague, and we go, ‘Oh, no, I don’t want to go near that. That doesn’t exist.’ But actually, I want to challenge that assumption because I want to look at the human being as two halves of a whole, in a way. And one half of us is the divine eternal half, and the other half of us is the human non-eternal, mortal part. And, of course, I’m simplifying, just so that we can have this dialogue, this conversation – or rather, so I can have this monologue, and, hopefully, it’ll be of use in some way to you. So, yes, let’s say we have that. So, that other part of us that’s hidden in the invisible world, the part that we might call our soul, that is a different kind of entity, a different kind of being, that might be 80% of us or more. And if you’re on a spiritual path of any form, you may have contacted this part of yourself. Perhaps you had a flash, perhaps you had a big experience where you really touched into your soul body, that incredible, awesome signature of light that lies behind every human being, within every human being, within the heart of us, our soul.

There's a part of us that is a part of that.

Some teachings call that the Causal Body or the Body of Glory – that’s a Christian mystical term. And I love the idea of that because it’s like there’s this other part of us that is constantly being perfected and is already perfect. So, this is why we resonate at some deep level with the notion of perfection. And when we look at those icons of the Christ, or we think of the Buddha, or we think of these great beings or whoever they are, the gods and the goddesses and the deities, we can resonate with that because there’s a part of us that is a part of that, and we know that. Many of us know that, not all of us. Some of us have forgotten completely. But you’re probably not listening to this, so… The ones who are know what I’m talking about, this soul, this Causal Body.

And the beauty of that is that that perfect part of our nature, we can nourish that. And we nourish that through meditation, through prayer, through spiritual practice, through good living, through good behaviour – not behaviour in the sense of good and bad, but just selfless acts. So everything we do and everything we learn about ourselves and our mortality, that becomes compost that fuels that body of light. So that body of light can never be tarnished – never. And, in fact, it can never go backwards, it can never fall from grace, because it lives on that higher frequency in another realm. But that realm is here right now. How much time do you spend nourishing that part of yourself? And we know the things that nourish that part of ourselves, we know that.

And even things that we do wrong – I’m going to say it like that – mistakes that we make, we know they aren’t really mistakes. But the only way we know that is because, at this other level, we eventually realise that a mistake that we’ve made is actually compost. It becomes something that we can learn and grow from, and it fuels that eternal nature, that eternal body. It actually adds another dimension, another patina, another nuance, another part of the rainbow of that light body that we are. But we have to harvest through the suffering of our own errors, if you like, as a human. And we harvest that, and we learn from that, and then what we learn goes up into that pure body, and everything else is just discarded back to the earth, if you like. So, that’s the pure side of our nature that’s already perfect.

Everything we do and everything we learn about ourselves and our mortality, becomes compost that fuels that body of light.

And then we have this very far-from-perfect human side of us. And you might say that, if the soul body is 80% of us beneath the surface, like an iceberg, then this little bit at the top, the 20% or the 10% or whatever it is, is our mortal body, it’s our human journey. And it’s far from perfect, but it has a resonance to that notion of perfection. And because it has that resonance to the notion of perfection, it’s very good at judging itself. Because a part of us just goes, ‘Well, I could have done a lot better,’ and we really give ourselves a hard time. And there are things that we ought to give ourselves a hard time for, in a way, because that’s part of our nature. If we’ve really done something that’s hurt someone else, for example, and if we feel some shame, then that shame is nature’s way of telling us that we’re growing and we’re learning. And as long as we learn from that shame, and then we let go of it, and we transcend it, we don’t get stuck in it forever and beat ourselves up, then we learn something of value through that process.

And, obviously, there are some of us that never seem to learn in this life. And I would pose the question that, if you don’t learn in this life while you’re here, you will learn afterwards. The ancients, they call this the Bardo State, when the bodies are separating after we’ve died, and then we come into pure contact with the consequences of our actions, words and deeds in the world that we’ve just lived? And we don’t just look at them as a witness, we experience the consequences of our karma without filters. So, if we’ve caused agony, we experience the agony that we’ve caused. And we learn from that – not as a punishment but as a way of going deeper into the learning of our authentic nature. So it’s not punishment, it’s all evolutionary learning. And anything we do learn, any humility that we gain through that process in whatever realm, that energy, that light, goes up into the pure body, and it feeds it and makes it more magnificent, the Body of Glory.

So that part of us, we are always growing, and it can always be fuelled in the world. That means that it’s just a matter of what we spend our time doing. Do we spend all our energy nourishing only the human body? Like following our desires – ‘I want to have this,’ ‘I want to get this,’ ‘I want to be this.’ Which is all human, it’s part of the human journey. And I’m not saying we shouldn’t do that. But also, to realise that we have this other body that will survive. Because all the stuff that we’ve gathered here, all the attainments and money we’ve made and fame or whatever, once we’ve gone, it’s gone – it’s just gone. It’s not ours anymore because this being has ceased to exist. But the soul behind it is there.

The being has ceased to exist. But the soul behind it is there.

So, that’s why, when you think of things like this, you realise, ‘Wow, I actually can have both. I can have my cake and eat it. I can be the human that’s exploring the human realm, and exploring desire, and exploring the journey that comes from desire, and need, and love, and want, and our relationships, and our failings and successes, and food and all the things of the human plane, I can have all that, but I also have this other thing that I’m building constantly, and I’m perfecting it, I’m polishing that gem of my soul that can never die. And, as I said, it can never be tarnished. It’s perfection that’s going on being perfected even more and even more. It is eternal perfecting. And yet on the human plane, it’s all imperfection, and we’re striving for that beauty and those incredible higher states. And we may experience them from time to time, but it’s all about how we integrate these two essential parts of our nature, human and divine.

And, of course, they’re not separate, but for the purpose of this monologue, I’m looking at them as separate. So how do we integrate them? And I put it to you that we can, that we can see ourselves as a spectrum of all these different traits. And even the mistakes we make, and what we call the Shadows, and the hurt that we cause, and the times that we beat ourselves up and judge ourselves, and all of that stuff, it becomes fuel for the higher body, in time. That doesn’t mean that we get off the hook, not at all. Because the only way that becomes fuel is if it’s gone through a transformation process; otherwise, it doesn’t become the fuel that feeds our soul, our soul’s journey. So it’s up to us: if we process it in this life, through fully taking responsibility for our actions, our words, our thoughts, all of that, through fully taking that in, then we will leave this world, in a way, complete rather than incomplete. And then perhaps we have to recycle and come back and learn that lesson again until we’ve really mastered it. But it’s all polishing. It’s all polishing the beautiful gemstone of our eternal nature.

The beautiful gemstone of our eternal nature.

And that gives us this perspective that it’s OK to make mistakes as long as we harvest them, and we get some compost out of them, and we don’t beat ourselves up unnecessarily over and over and over again. We forgive ourselves, truly, deep in our heart, and then we’re able to move on. And then we’ve learned something of incredible value, and that Body of Glory glows even brighter. And we feel that, we actually feel that.

So whatever you’re facing in your life right now, let it be compost. Let it become compost that fuels that higher aspect of your nature. And don’t beat yourself up so much over it. Just work yourself into it, breathe yourself through it. Try and just find the beautiful morsels of grace that are somewhere hidden inside it, even though you may not feel that yet. One day you may feel that, and you may be able to let it go, and you’ll be able to move on, and a new you will emerge.

Let it become compost that fuels that higher aspect of your nature.

And that soul body, that aspect of our nature, we want to give as much attention to that as we can in the world. Some people give up a whole lifetime just to sit with that, just to nurture and nourish that. I’m not saying we should do that, because that’s a certain path for certain people. The rest of us, we can do it as and when we feel the need to. And it does make us feel better because we contact that part of ourselves when we tune in. And if we neglect it, and we fall into the human realm too far, we get lost, and we get depressed, and we get lonely, and we get all these things.

And so, it’s really important to keep connecting back into that eternal part of our nature and realise it’s there, and it’s always there, that light of our soul. And there are so many practices and teachers and teachings out there that will help us. So, follow your heart, follow your intuition, and you’ll find those things. But I hope this is helpful for you just to understand these different sides of our nature – the human and the divine – and how they’re part of an integrated field. And I hope that’s helpful to you and that it helps you to be a little bit gentler on yourself and less worried about what others may or may not think of us.

Blessings.

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